FH Mini 158 - Astro-Nuts

[0:00] welcome listener to another flop house mini episode a miniature episode of the flop house

[0:11] you know the flop house of course as the internet's oldest bad movie podcast probably

[0:15] and usually on an episode we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it when i say usually i

[0:20] mean half the time the other half of the time we do whatever we want in these minis today i will

[0:27] be running this mini i'll be mission control that'll make sense in a moment i'm elliot kalin

[0:32] and i'm joined by my uh two uh two uh let's say space explorers sure name your names dan mccoy

[0:42] stewart spaceman wellington oh thank you you're picking up what i'm laying down i appreciate it

[0:48] i like elliot sorry go on no no dan what are you gonna say what do you like i like hearing what

[0:52] people like about me i like that you encounter the same difficulty i do when introducing the

[0:58] minis which is like uh you know it's not it's not that we usually talk about a movie anymore

[1:04] because as you say this is minis half the time yeah but in the aggregate there's certainly more

[1:12] uh movie episodes so i guess technically it's still true it is still true that it's usual yeah

[1:17] yeah, by the numbers. Well, that was

[1:19] Statsman Dan.

[1:21] Dan, of course, is our numbers guy,

[1:24] which we'll need. I'm the Statsman.

[1:27] Numbers, numbers,

[1:28] numbers.

[1:30] We need our statistics guy. We need

[1:31] Stuart Spaceman Wellington. Stuart, how did you get

[1:33] the nickname Spaceman? So I went

[1:35] to outer space this one time, and

[1:37] I came back.

[1:39] I thought there'd be more to that. I thought it was a more interesting story.

[1:42] And that actually ties into... Oh, you wanted me to stretch

[1:43] for a second. No, no. I went into outer space

[1:45] Not necessarily, no, because we're going to talk about going into space and how it should be very interesting, how maybe it's not that interesting.

[1:53] These days, of course, everyone's talking about AI, and we're going to be covering that on today's Flophouse, but I mean astronaut imagery.

[2:01] That's right, the other meaning of AI, because we're going to be talking about…

[2:04] The only other one.

[2:05] I mean, there's also Al's Igloo, but that's just a local business.

[2:12] It's an ice cream shop in Juneau, Alaska.

[2:14] So astronaut imagery, astronaut movies.

[2:16] Guys, you would have to think off the top of your head.

[2:20] If I said this person's job is to go into outer space, you would say, what a cool job, right?

[2:27] What a cool job.

[2:29] And yet, they're very, it is because it's the frozen ways of space, unless you're right near the sun, which case it's blazing hot.

[2:36] It's also very hot in space.

[2:38] Yeah, there's always an exception.

[2:40] Life finds a way, or in this case, the cold, lifeless void of space.

[2:45] Now, there are very few—I'm going to say this right now.

[2:48] It seems like such an amazing job.

[2:50] I'm going to go on a limb and say there's very few cool movies about astronauts.

[2:54] I feel like there are so many movies about hitmen, a job no one really has.

[2:59] There are so many movies about professional athletes, which is a cool job.

[3:04] But again, I guess more people have that than astronauts, but it's not a job most people have.

[3:09] But astronauts, you'd think it'd be this amazing thing, but there's not that many movies where you said, give me a great astronaut movie.

[3:16] How many can you think of?

[3:17] Now, well, it depends on what – like what do you mean by saying cool?

[3:20] Because there are two astronaut movies that I can think of off the top of my head that I like quite a bit.

[3:26] Okay.

[3:27] And those are Apollo 13.

[3:32] Wow. Wow. Hold on. Let's wait a moment.

[3:34] Let's stop for a moment just that Dan could not remember the number in Apollo 13.

[3:39] And there's a –

[3:39] Well, Apollo 11 was pretty cool.

[3:41] There's a They Might Be Giants album called Apollo 18.

[3:44] Oh, I see.

[3:45] And so I have to like in my head be like, which thing am I – and The Right Stuff.

[3:51] And The Right Stuff.

[3:51] Yeah, so those are great movies about astronauts.

[3:53] There are some – and those are both based on true stories, right?

[3:57] I'm finding – I was thinking about astronaut movies because, again, everyone's talking about AI.

[4:01] So, of course, I'm talking about astronaut imagery.

[4:03] And I was thinking there's certain kinds of movies about astronauts that are really great.

[4:08] There's like a handful that are great, but then there's a lot that are not great, and there's not very many in the middle.

[4:14] And so I was wondering, I want to talk to you guys today about astronaut movies.

[4:18] Why is there a dearth of them?

[4:20] And also, is it possible being an astronaut is actually not that cool a job?

[4:26] Because I want to make – the first thing I want to start with is what makes a movie an astronaut movie?

[4:31] There's a lot of movies set in outer space, but I wouldn't call all of them astronaut movies.

[4:36] So when I say space movies to you guys, what do you think of?

[4:39] What's a space movie?

[4:39] Ice Pirates.

[4:40] Alien.

[4:41] Okay, great.

[4:42] Ice Pirates, Alien.

[4:43] What else?

[4:44] Give me some more.

[4:45] Transformers, the movie.

[4:46] Star Wars.

[4:47] Okay.

[4:48] Now, would you call any of those astronaut movies?

[4:50] No.

[4:51] Not even Alien, where they do wear, like, spacesuits when they go onto a planet.

[4:54] Yeah, but they're clearly sort of, like, blue-collar private workers.

[4:58] They're not the elite military scientists that astronauts often are, you know, test pilots and things like that.

[5:03] So Star Wars, again, that's probably the most successful space movie

[5:07] that's ever made, the most popular space movie.

[5:10] You wouldn't call them astronauts, right?

[5:11] Even though they're flying around in spaceships.

[5:13] Why is that?

[5:15] Well, I mean, the most astronaut-y of them are like the X-Wing pilots.

[5:20] And you think of them like they're fighter pilots.

[5:22] Like those are dogfights, but in space, quite famously.

[5:26] Like literally, that's what they are.

[5:28] And how often do you think a real-life astronaut is involved in like a high-stakes fighter jet?

[5:33] That's actually a really good question, Pat.

[5:35] Yeah, I think zero times because the shuttles, the space, like they're not built for, you know, dodging and weaving.

[5:45] They kind of just float there.

[5:47] Yeah, they kind of, I mean, the fact that we still haven't come up with a way to get into orbit that is not throwing a whole ton of shit out the back of a vehicle in order to push it up.

[5:56] And then eventually you get up there and space moves kind of slow, right?

[6:00] Like there's no air.

[6:01] Space moves kind of slow around these parts.

[6:04] Now, out here in space, we move a little slower than you city folk.

[6:08] Welcome to my floating orbital porch.

[6:11] Sit around the cracker barrel.

[6:12] The crackers are floating out of the barrel.

[6:15] Here, have this pouch of lemonade.

[6:18] Like grandma used to make, like astro-grandma used to make.

[6:23] Oh, for dessert, dip and dice.

[6:26] Ice cream of the future, don't you know?

[6:29] What makes it astronaut ice cream is it's freeze-dried and it comes in a package.

[6:32] You could just throw that into space.

[6:34] It doesn't matter where it goes.

[6:35] It tastes like someone froze some toothpaste.

[6:38] And we brush our teeth with ice cream.

[6:43] It's a Thomas C. Turvey world up here.

[6:45] In space, we do things a little backwards.

[6:48] There's no up, there's no down.

[6:50] You just kind of float.

[6:53] You might be talking to somebody's feet because for them, they're standing up.

[6:56] But for you, they're upside down.

[6:57] Doesn't matter.

[6:58] Who cares?

[6:59] it space baby yeah so so space sounds pretty fun so yeah so what so an astronaut a lot of movies

[7:09] are space movies but they're not astronaut movies so what is it that would make it something an

[7:14] astronaut movie like do they have to wait do they have to be members of nasa like do they have to

[7:19] be in a kind of like official function because like space truckers is clearly not an astronaut

[7:25] movie they're truckers you know in space you know um but it's a movie alien we've said is is not an

[7:31] astronaut movie is event horizon an astronaut movie interesting interesting there you're getting

[7:36] into a gray area i wouldn't i wouldn't think of it as an astronaut movie but if someone said

[7:44] that's an astronaut movie i don't know that i would argue too much you wouldn't get mad about

[7:50] it yeah they they seem to be some sort of official scientific expedition yeah and they go to hell

[7:56] yeah an expedition to hell i mean and how often but again how often have astronauts gone to hell

[8:02] in the official nasa logs i don't uh they they don't know how bad are they

[8:07] that's fair that's fair when astronauts die you don't know where they go yeah

[8:13] uh man that song is still like man that song is still shorthand for a tough guy

[8:20] Bad to the bone?

[8:20] I do it all the time at home, and my kids do not know that song, so they don't understand.

[8:24] Whenever I run a bath for them, I go, it's time for a bath, bath, bath, bath, bath, bath, bath, bath, bath.

[8:29] I don't understand what that means.

[8:32] Now, in the beginning of that song, the nurse says, leave this one alone.

[8:37] She could tell it was bad to the bone.

[8:39] She's saying, leave a baby alone, just don't care for it, because that will drive someone to be bad to the bone.

[8:44] Yeah, that's true.

[8:44] You need affection as a baby.

[8:44] It's nature and nurture.

[8:46] Yeah.

[8:47] Chicken and the egg there.

[8:48] But I guess if you're bad to the bone already, nothing you can do can fix it.

[8:53] What test is the nurse performing?

[8:55] Yeah, how does the nurse know?

[8:57] I mean, you don't cut them open.

[8:58] That's fucked up.

[9:00] No, you don't bother counting their rings.

[9:01] There wouldn't be any yet.

[9:02] They were just born.

[9:04] But does the nurse, like, did he come out wearing a leather jacket and carrying a switchblade in his hand?

[9:08] Well, like that Exodus album cover.

[9:13] Maybe it's that kid on the Nirvana cover.

[9:15] Oh, naked.

[9:17] Yeah, that's rare for a baby.

[9:20] Usually babies have the decency and the modesty to wear a little something.

[9:23] To not fucking hang dong.

[9:24] No, to at least wear a modesty pouch like they're on the set of a big-budget movie, you know?

[9:29] Now, guys, that song, Bad to the Bone, you know when it's from, right?

[9:33] When it's from?

[9:34] Yeah.

[9:35] The 50s?

[9:37] Like, it seems like, I'm going to say the 60s.

[9:40] That song is from 1982.

[9:41] So this is something I will just think of every now and then,

[9:44] where I'll be like, oh yeah, Bad to the Bone is an 80s song,

[9:47] but it feels like it's a much more old school song

[9:48] than that, right?

[9:49] Because so much of the 80s pop culture

[9:51] was like looking back to the 50s and 60s, right?

[9:55] We're looking forward to the future.

[9:57] You know, just finally taking over media,

[10:00] caring about the things they like,

[10:02] like wearing a leather jacket

[10:04] and being bad to the bone.

[10:05] Yeah, baby boomers were bad to the bone,

[10:07] but just for the environment

[10:08] and future home ownership by younger generations.

[10:11] Yeah.

[10:12] So let's think about astronaut movies for a moment.

[10:15] That's ostensibly what this episode is about.

[10:17] So, again, what would make something an astronaut movie then?

[10:19] They have to be, like, they got to be astronauts, right?

[10:22] I mean, the lack of that.

[10:23] Yeah, I think that's the tautology.

[10:25] There should be some, like, nod to science.

[10:29] Okay.

[10:30] So, there wouldn't be, like, an astronaut heist movie.

[10:32] Like, that would not, that wouldn't work.

[10:34] It would be hard.

[10:35] Yeah.

[10:36] They're not robbing the space bank.

[10:37] Well, were they sent into space to rob something?

[10:40] Did NASA send them somewhere?

[10:42] I mean, if NASA, what would they be robbing?

[10:43] Is this the High Roller sequel pitch that we're...

[10:47] you know no but you know what this should be a now you see me sequel they haven't gone into space

[10:53] any of those movies not yet they haven't right there they've got to rob like an alien space

[10:57] casino or something and they've got to they've got to use their magic tricks and their astronaut

[11:01] training that they get you know there's a one member of the group is an astronaut who doesn't

[11:05] care for their magic ways doesn't care for the deceitful ways you know um so they have to there

[11:11] so because in my mind being an astronaut is an astronaut movie is kind of like a pirate movie

[11:16] A pirate movie, they got to be pirates, right?

[11:17] And they got to do pirate-y things.

[11:19] Like, even if a movie was about a pirate,

[11:21] if it was about a retired pirate

[11:23] who's dealing with reconnecting to the family

[11:26] that he left behind when he went to the high seas,

[11:28] I still wouldn't really call that a pirate movie.

[11:30] Yeah, and they're like, you know,

[11:33] there are things that are more astronaut movie tropes,

[11:37] like, where I'm like,

[11:39] you don't have to have it in to be an astronaut movie,

[11:42] but if you have it in there,

[11:44] Like, this is definitely an astronaut movie.

[11:46] So name some of those tropes.

[11:47] What are some of those tropes?

[11:48] Well, you know, like the apex of the form, of course, Rocket Man starring Harland Williams.

[11:54] Rocket Man starring Elton John, which, again, is not actually an astronaut movie, yeah.

[11:58] It's a song.

[11:59] I think a trope that really marks it as an astronaut movie is you have the NASA training.

[12:05] You've got to be, like, spun around in that thing.

[12:07] NASA training sequence.

[12:08] And your face has got to go all flat and flap in the wind, you know.

[12:11] There's got to be some moment where – or there should be some moment where the – let's expand it more because when I think astronaut movies –

[12:17] Like Space Camp also has some astronaut training in it.

[12:19] Yes, Space Camp – you know what?

[12:21] That's not one I hadn't even thought about, but Space Camp is definitely an astronaut movie.

[12:24] The movie that I think of most is 2001 A Space Odyssey as like a movie about astronauts.

[12:28] That doesn't have a training sequence, but it does have them dealing with the effects of outer space and physical reality on the body, right?

[12:36] Like he's got to run around, jog to keep his muscle and bone density or whatever.

[12:41] And like when he goes into the airlock without his helmet, he's in danger because you can't be in decompressed airless space for too long.

[12:48] So there's got to be something where it's about like the effect of space, the danger of space on you or the effect of space condition.

[12:55] Because that's another difference between a space – an astronaut movie and a pirate movie is that pirates exist in a place where there's gravity, oxygen.

[13:03] They're not really worrying that there's the ocean to deal with.

[13:05] But they're not really worrying that much about can I breathe unless they fall in said ocean.

[13:10] So I think even if it's…

[13:12] Or like an octopus wraps its tentacle around their neck.

[13:14] Exactly.

[13:15] Or right on their face.

[13:16] You got that octopus's beak right in your mouth.

[13:19] Ugh, that would be horrible.

[13:20] And it's biting your tongue.

[13:21] Yeah.

[13:21] Have they ever done that in a pirate movie?

[13:23] That sounds horrifying.

[13:24] That would be really good, Dan.

[13:25] I don't recall that.

[13:27] I don't have it in my logbook.

[13:29] Octopi are super smart, too.

[13:30] So they know exactly the perfect time to latch on.

[13:33] Yeah, and they know the sweetest, softest part is the tongue.

[13:36] They'd want to go for that.

[13:37] Octopi, I love octopi.

[13:38] I think they're really amazing animals, but it always bothers me.

[13:41] I thought you were talking about how delicious they are.

[13:43] I mean, I do like to eat them too.

[13:44] They taste really good.

[13:46] But, and I always feel bad eating them.

[13:47] That's the sad part about it because they're smart, but they taste good.

[13:49] They're so smart.

[13:50] And their brains go all throughout their bodies.

[13:53] Their tentacles have neural networks in them.

[13:55] So when I'm eating their tentacles, I'm like, ugh, I'm eating the smart part too.

[13:58] It's not even like I'm eating the dumb part of it because there are no dumb parts.

[14:01] But it always throws me off that they have beaks.

[14:03] I don't like that at all.

[14:04] It makes me very uncomfortable.

[14:06] A self-help book, by the way.

[14:07] There are no dumb parts.

[14:11] There are no dumb parts, only dumb actors.

[14:13] But I do think, Elliot, you're onto something here

[14:15] that maybe disqualifies Event Horizon,

[14:18] which is that even if they're fantastical elements,

[14:23] it has to be sort of grounded

[14:25] in some sort of scientific reality.

[14:28] Uh-huh.

[14:28] So, like, you know,

[14:30] more something like Project Hail Mary.

[14:34] You don't think of it as an astronaut movie foremost, maybe,

[14:38] but, like, that's an astronaut movie

[14:39] because it's all grounded in this sort of scientific, like...

[14:43] I mean, I do think of it as an astronaut movie

[14:44] because he's an astronaut, right?

[14:45] What about...

[14:46] Well, he's drafted into it.

[14:48] I haven't seen it, got to be honest,

[14:50] but I'm just going by the poster.

[14:51] You said heist movies.

[14:53] What about a movie like Ad Astra

[14:55] where there is, like, a car chase on the moon?

[14:59] I have to admit, I haven't seen Ad Astra.

[15:01] You're a dad.

[15:02] You're like the perfect target for that.

[15:04] I haven't seen it either.

[15:05] It's for science fiction dads.

[15:06] The Car Chase on the Moon sequence is awesome.

[15:09] That sounds so good.

[15:10] I'll have to watch it.

[15:10] I assume it's an astronaut movie because the poster has Brad Pitt in an astronaut costume.

[15:14] But it looks real sad.

[15:15] And at the time, I was like, I don't need a sad astronaut.

[15:17] Yeah, sad dad astronaut.

[15:18] But like –

[15:19] Sadstronaut.

[15:21] Sadstronaut.

[15:22] Yeah.

[15:23] But like when I – so I'll tell you.

[15:25] When I started thinking about astronaut movies – and we'll take a break shortly and then we'll come back.

[15:28] And I want to see if we can come up with the 10 greatest astronaut movies, which might mean expanding the boundaries to movies that are either not great or not astronaut movies.

[15:35] But when I think of astronaut movies like The Martian, it's pretty high up on the list.

[15:39] Gravity is pretty high up on the list.

[15:41] These are both about astronauts in space dealing with space problems as opposed to –

[15:46] More space problems.

[15:48] I mean it's literally true.

[15:49] More space, more problems.

[15:50] Space is infinite and vast.

[15:51] It gives you a lot of problems.

[15:53] But it's hard for me to think of an astronaut movie that is not about the problems of being an astronaut.

[16:00] And so I was thinking, is Moon an astronaut movie?

[16:02] Because that's really more about the problems of being a weird clone or something.

[16:08] Sunshine?

[16:09] Is Sunshine an astronaut movie?

[16:11] Exactly.

[16:11] They have a thing they're doing.

[16:13] Sunshine and Project Hail Mary are kind of similar.

[16:15] Solaris?

[16:16] Solaris is an astronaut movie.

[16:18] It kind of is.

[16:21] But, like, it's easy about the ones that are about biographical movies about astronauts.

[16:25] Yeah.

[16:25] Paul XIII, The Right Stuff.

[16:27] Like, is Silent Running an astronaut movie?

[16:29] I think so, but I'm not sure.

[16:32] No, you're right.

[16:33] It's, these are, like, some of these are more.

[16:36] Isn't that about bobsledding?

[16:38] No, that's Cool Runnings.

[16:39] That's Cool Runnings.

[16:39] Oh.

[16:39] Yeah, that's.

[16:41] Some of these are more.

[16:42] These are all running movies.

[16:44] Cool Runnings, Silent Running, Run Silent, Run Deep.

[16:46] Yeah, you know.

[16:47] The Loneliness of a Long Distance Runner.

[16:49] Yeah.

[16:49] The Running Man.

[16:50] Yeah.

[16:51] Running Man, the new one.

[16:52] Yeah.

[16:53] These are like science fiction movies.

[16:55] Run, Lola, Run.

[16:56] Mm-hmm.

[16:56] Logan's Run.

[16:57] Logan's Run.

[16:58] Yeah, exactly.

[16:59] Logan's do run.

[17:02] Always.

[17:02] Hard to catch a Logan.

[17:03] They're always running.

[17:04] Yeah.

[17:05] Dan, you're saying some of these?

[17:06] No, it's funny because I came so close to having a window and then the train kept moving.

[17:11] It closed.

[17:12] Yeah, it closed fast.

[17:13] No, no, no.

[17:13] A lot of these, I think, are most accurately science fiction movies with astronauts in them.

[17:19] Whereas like an astronaut movie, like I'm trying to think of like a comparison, a point of comparison.

[17:24] It's like a mob movie is maybe a point of comparison where it's like it's about the job.

[17:31] It's about the job that you have.

[17:32] And the job that you have is astronaut.

[17:35] Like a mob movie is always about being involved.

[17:37] It's very rare that you have.

[17:39] I mean, sometimes you have a mob movie about a mobster who does something.

[17:43] Do's things.

[17:44] Yeah.

[17:45] Do's these things when a Sicilian vampire shows up.

[17:49] You know, and it's called Innocent Blood.

[17:51] Innocent Blood.

[17:52] Yeah, that's what I was going to say.

[17:53] Or that Frank D'Angelo.

[17:55] Sicilian Vampire.

[17:57] Yeah.

[17:58] You could cross the streams a little bit there.

[17:59] Like Mickey Blue Eyes is a mob movie,

[18:01] but it's about a guy who like falls in love

[18:02] with a mobster's daughter, right?

[18:04] Yeah, I think this is like the second time

[18:05] in two weeks you brought up Mickey Blue Eyes.

[18:07] For some reason, Mickey Blue Eyes is on my mind

[18:09] and I don't know why.

[18:09] It's large in LA, it's imagination.

[18:11] Somehow, yeah.

[18:12] I guess it's Hugh Grant's most famous movie,

[18:15] probably, right?

[18:16] Yeah, that's why when you see Hugh Grant on the street,

[18:18] You're like, hey, Mickey, Mickey Blue Eyes.

[18:21] He goes, yes, yes, people call me that.

[18:22] People call me that.

[18:23] Well, just, yes, sir.

[18:25] Thank you for seeing the movie.

[18:26] That's me doing Rob Bryant's impression of Hugh Grant.

[18:29] It's pretty good.

[18:30] He does a great Hugh Grant impression.

[18:32] Whereas real Hugh Grant probably just sort of frowns at you and walks away.

[18:36] Yes, exactly.

[18:37] Well, I mean, there's a reason that he was, it's not my story to tell,

[18:42] but when people ask Jon Stewart before The Daily Show sometimes,

[18:45] they'll be like, who was your least favorite guest?

[18:46] And they're like, he's like Hugh Grant.

[18:47] Hugh Grant was just not very pleasant for people when he was there.

[18:51] Ulysses S. Grant, on the other hand, his great-grandfather, saved the union.

[18:56] Well, next time Jon Stewart comes on The Flophouse, we'll have to pick his brain about that.

[19:00] When's that happening, Elliot?

[19:01] Let me get back to you about that.

[19:04] You're probably closest to him.

[19:05] We couldn't do it on a Monday because that's the one day he works.

[19:08] Yeah, well, we don't normally record on Mondays.

[19:11] That shouldn't be too big a problem.

[19:13] I haven't talked to Jon in a while.

[19:14] Yeah, maybe I'll ask him to be on this podcast show.

[19:17] Now's the time to call in that shit.

[19:19] Yeah, now's the time when he owes me the least.

[19:22] Yeah.

[19:23] So, Astro, I think, let's go to our ads in a moment.

[19:27] And I think we're having trouble defining what an astronaut movie is,

[19:30] maybe because it's not a real genre of movie, but that's okay.

[19:33] But I think we've agreed that it is about being an astronaut.

[19:36] It's hard to do an astronaut movie where you just happen to be an astronaut

[19:39] and some other story is happening,

[19:41] maybe because there's not very much going on in space.

[19:43] Like, if you're out in space, you are being an astronaut.

[19:46] It's not an along the way thing.

[19:49] And so I think we're going to have to come up with our list of the 10 greatest astronaut movies.

[19:53] We might have to argue a little bit about which ones are astronaut movies and which are not.

[19:57] But before we do that, let's take a quick break.

[20:06] Well, gang, it's that time of year again.

[20:08] That's right. Labor Day is here, which means you can't wear white anymore.

[20:13] No, well, yes, but no, it's Great British Bake Off season.

[20:17] Oh, right, and that means it's time to draft your teams and play along.

[20:21] There's a new judge in town, but the game's the same.

[20:24] Draft your bakers, score points like it's fantasy football,

[20:27] and talk smack in your group chats.

[20:29] I wonder what Nigella Lawson would think about the scribble double.

[20:32] So, listen to TV Chef Fantasy League with me, Mike Cavillan.

[20:35] Ify Wadiwe.

[20:36] And Sierra Cotto.

[20:37] New episodes every week at MaximumFun.org

[20:40] or wherever you get your podcasts.

[20:43] what's more action-packed than prestige television with more continuity than comic books

[20:50] and more reality than reality television

[20:53] it's professional wrestling

[21:00] and to better understand wrestling is the ultimate form of entertainment

[21:08] you need the tights and fights podcast this is the perfect wrestling show with a lot of love

[21:13] a lack of toxic masculinity and just the right amount of butts cats and spandex

[21:20] listen to tights and fights every saturday on maximum fun

[21:24] all right guys we've got some sponsors for this episode let's hear them uh okay this episode is

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[24:01] I want to remind Flophouse listeners

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[24:32] The Flophouse live in Louisville, Kentucky.

[24:34] Go to flophousepodcast.com slash events for more information and to buy tickets.

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[25:13] Our first episode was this past first Saturday in September.

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[25:30] It's the first Saturday of every month.

[25:31] So our next episode will be Saturday, October 3rd,

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[26:31] And now let's return to our Astro Talk.

[26:36] So guys, astronauts, we know what they are.

[26:39] We know an astronaut movie has to involve some kind of scientific reality in some way about space travel.

[26:52] It doesn't have to be totally accurate, probably.

[26:55] But it has to involve some kind of real-world situation that does not involve Wookiees or jumping into hyperspace or walking out on the surface of a planet and you don't need to wear a spacesuit.

[27:07] Or walking on sunshine.

[27:08] Walking on sunshine.

[27:09] That happens in the movie Sunshine.

[27:12] Yeah, and it happens

[27:13] in the song Walking

[27:15] on the Sun by

[27:16] who was that? Smash Mouth.

[27:19] That's right. You've got to

[27:21] admire a guy who sings even though his mouth got smashed.

[27:24] He's not going to let it

[27:25] stop him. I'm not going to let that keep me down.

[27:27] No, he gets knocked down.

[27:29] His mouth smashed, but he gets up

[27:31] again. Nobody's going to keep him down. That's a different band

[27:33] at that song.

[27:35] And those guys, their chumbas

[27:37] got one bunch.

[27:39] And they're still performing even with Womba Chumbas.

[27:42] You got to admire that.

[27:44] You got to admire the stick-to-it-ness.

[27:45] Let's give a moment of silence.

[27:48] For all those Chumbas that got Womba'd, yeah.

[27:50] You know, Womba-ing of Chumbas

[27:52] is one of the great tragedies you don't get here,

[27:54] you get talked about very much.

[27:55] Mostly because it's hard to say.

[27:57] Yes, thank you, Dan, for now justifying this episode's existence.

[28:00] We finally did it.

[28:02] Go find your local charity that's dealing with Womba Chumbas.

[28:07] See what you can do to help.

[28:08] Because too many chumbas are being wombed, and someone's got to talk about it.

[28:12] Hashtag, no more wombed chumbas.

[28:14] The only person who ever talked about it was Dr. Seuss.

[28:17] And he was shouted down at the American Medical Association convention.

[28:22] You're not a real doctor.

[28:23] They would scream.

[28:25] What do you know about this?

[28:28] Now, the problem when you chumba a womba, and he just stopped because he couldn't think of any other words that rhymed with it.

[28:34] It's just weird because he just makes them up normally.

[28:37] No, Dan, he got a dictionary from the future.

[28:40] Those are all future words.

[28:41] Oh, that makes a lot of sense.

[28:43] That's how he won all those bets, right?

[28:50] Oxford's word of the year in the future is going to be this.

[28:53] There's no way.

[28:55] There's no way.

[28:56] That word doesn't even exist as of yet.

[29:00] Yeah, that's why there's that, of course, Seuss world

[29:02] where Dr. Seuss took over and made everything terrible.

[29:06] Yeah.

[29:07] Everyone has to wear stars on their bellies and so forth.

[29:09] Sequel to Westworld and Futureworld.

[29:11] Seussworld?

[29:12] Yeah.

[29:12] Oh, I love that.

[29:13] All the robots are kind of weird big birds and stuff like that.

[29:17] Yeah.

[29:17] Yeah, these trees, they're all corkscrewed.

[29:19] They're like alligators that are furry somehow.

[29:22] I was going to say, it could be like the classic science fiction story,

[29:25] Mimsy where the Borogovs, made into a movie, The Last Mimsy,

[29:29] in which the Jabberwocky is actually the instructions for making kind of like

[29:34] interdimensional

[29:35] either communicator

[29:37] or traveling thing

[29:37] or something like that.

[29:38] Anyway, it's a great short story.

[29:39] I never saw the movie.

[29:40] I remember reading the short story

[29:42] and being like,

[29:43] they should make a movie of this

[29:44] and then finding out

[29:44] they had already.

[29:45] And did I run out

[29:46] and see the movie?

[29:47] I did not.

[29:48] I maybe should have.

[29:48] It's like a classic.

[29:51] Touching on what we're going

[29:52] to talk about next week.

[29:53] Yeah.

[29:54] How we answer a letters question.

[29:56] Because we do some time travel

[29:57] here at the Flop House,

[29:57] which is called

[29:58] Recording the Episodes

[29:59] Out of Order.

[30:00] So, guys,

[30:01] we've talked enough about

[30:03] You can never talk enough about how wumbas need to stop being chumbas.

[30:06] Yeah, of course.

[30:06] Or vice versa, chumbas need to stop being wumbas.

[30:08] Wow, look at this letterbox spread on Last Memesy.

[30:11] Oh, wow.

[30:11] The average rating is three, but it's almost like a straight line across of reviews all over the place.

[30:18] That is a rare one.

[30:20] Wow, we might have to see it to find out.

[30:22] So, an astronaut movie can't do all the things that a science fiction movie does.

[30:26] There's some science fictional element to it, usually.

[30:29] Unless it's like Apollo 13 or First Man or the right stuff where it's just about a real astronaut.

[30:35] How was First Man?

[30:37] I liked it quite a bit.

[30:38] First Man is good.

[30:40] I found myself having—I could not connect to it emotionally.

[30:43] I found it very cold.

[30:44] And at times I was like, this feels like a really well-done version of the movie they show you at the Air and Space Museum.

[30:49] But it's very well done.

[30:52] But I found myself having trouble connecting to it.

[30:55] In part, the character as presented is kind of cold.

[31:00] But that's sort of what was interesting to me.

[31:03] But I feel like I would have...

[31:04] And it's played by Gosling?

[31:06] Yeah.

[31:07] Oh, but he's so warm.

[31:09] He's also cool.

[31:10] He's also very cool.

[31:10] He is cool.

[31:12] I've been telling a lot...

[31:13] In Drive?

[31:14] Yeah, he's super cool.

[31:15] That jacket?

[31:16] Oh, my God.

[31:17] You weren't cool.

[31:18] You couldn't wear that.

[31:19] He's like a real hero in a real human being.

[31:20] You look like a fool.

[31:21] No, I would look terribly foolish wearing that.

[31:23] Yeah.

[31:24] And, of course, with my fingerless driving gloves, too.

[31:26] I don't want to look more foolish, yeah.

[31:28] Do you think your kids would think you were cool

[31:31] if you started wearing fingerless driving gloves?

[31:32] There is nothing I can do that would make my kids think I was cool.

[31:36] I could be Kendrick Lamar,

[31:38] and they would decide Kendrick Lamar is not cool anymore.

[31:40] Yeah, they'd be on Team fucking Drake.

[31:43] And they hate Drake, my kids.

[31:45] I don't think they've ever heard his music,

[31:46] but they hate him because they know Kendrick Lamar doesn't like him.

[31:50] It's a weird thing when your kids constantly want to listen

[31:53] to the clean radio version

[31:55] of a song about how Kendrick Lamar

[31:57] is a song about

[31:59] another rapper being a pedophile.

[32:01] And they're walking around going, they not like

[32:03] us. And I'm like, guys, I don't, it's a weird

[32:05] song for you just to be singing, just walking around

[32:07] the house, you know. So anyway,

[32:10] let's try to think, just off the top of my head,

[32:11] let's think about the greatest movies,

[32:14] astronaut movies, movies about astronauts.

[32:15] They might have some science fictional element.

[32:17] They might be a real life story

[32:19] of a real astronaut that really lived.

[32:21] Fantastic Four.

[32:22] Again, I feel like—so is Fantastic Four an astronaut movie?

[32:26] They go into space.

[32:26] They are astronauts, dog.

[32:28] They are astronauts.

[32:29] Yeah.

[32:29] Does it count as an astronaut movie?

[32:30] I think that's an element in the film rather than being an astronaut movie.

[32:35] You know what?

[32:35] But I'm going to argue maybe it is an astronaut movie because that's the most interesting part of the movie, to be honest, is them being astronauts, if I'm being honest.

[32:45] And like many astronaut movies, it's a little sad.

[32:49] This is the new one?

[32:50] I haven't seen the new one yet.

[32:51] the new Fantastic Four

[32:52] is very

[32:53] so then what are you

[32:54] talking about

[32:55] you're so devoted

[32:56] to the Jessica Alba

[32:57] Alba Michael Chiklis

[32:59] no the other one

[33:00] the one with Michael B. Jordan

[33:01] and uh

[33:02] oh you like

[33:02] the one we did

[33:04] on the podcast

[33:04] that one they're not

[33:05] I would not call that

[33:06] an astronaut movie

[33:07] no

[33:07] I would say they're more

[33:07] like astronauts

[33:08] than the new one

[33:08] but they're all

[33:09] this is

[33:09] and this is my issue

[33:10] I may have talked about

[33:11] this before

[33:11] the Fantastic Four movie

[33:12] people were like

[33:13] oh yeah it was good

[33:13] I want to see it

[33:14] and so it was

[33:15] you should watch it

[33:16] and I watched it

[33:16] I found it so dour

[33:17] and so sad

[33:19] and depressing

[33:20] it's so

[33:20] He's got a weird tone.

[33:22] Yeah.

[33:22] Jack Kirby, known for bland, boring shit.

[33:26] Jack Kirby is known for not, yeah, he's not known for investing energy and excitement into everything he's doing.

[33:31] I did like when Galactus showed up at the end.

[33:34] I enjoyed that.

[33:34] I imagine that's the part I'd be most excited for.

[33:37] Certainly, the fact that Galactus looks like Galactus from the comics.

[33:40] Even then, they didn't get his character quite right.

[33:43] He's a little too evil at part.

[33:44] He's like, hmm, insects.

[33:46] And I'm like, that's not something he would do.

[33:48] He has no emotions.

[33:48] He's just hungry.

[33:49] He's just hungry.

[33:49] he's just hangry

[33:50] you know

[33:51] but he's just a hungry man

[33:52] the hungry man dinners

[33:53] for Galactus

[33:54] that's a planet

[33:55] how's

[33:55] hangers for a hungry planet

[33:57] how's

[33:57] is Roran Nad in it

[33:59] or Noren Rad

[34:00] no Noren Rad is not in it

[34:02] because the Silver Surfer

[34:02] is Shalabal

[34:03] in this version

[34:04] and it's

[34:05] and it's a big waste of

[34:06] what's her name

[34:07] Julia

[34:08] Julia

[34:09] Fox

[34:10] Fox

[34:11] no

[34:12] no

[34:12] I don't know

[34:13] no from Ozarks

[34:14] and you know

[34:16] Julia Garner

[34:17] Julie Garner

[34:18] she's really great

[34:19] she's a great actress

[34:20] and they don't really give her

[34:21] much of anything to do in it

[34:22] who the hell is Julia Fox

[34:24] where is she

[34:25] who is she

[34:26] from

[34:27] wait who is she

[34:28] yeah

[34:29] from fucking

[34:30] Uncut Gems

[34:31] okay

[34:32] oh yeah that's her

[34:34] yeah

[34:34] okay

[34:35] no that's a different person

[34:36] it's just like

[34:36] no it's like

[34:37] one of those things

[34:38] where like I pull a name

[34:39] out of somewhere

[34:39] and I'm like

[34:40] I don't even know

[34:40] who I'm talking about

[34:41] yeah

[34:42] this is

[34:43] this is why they

[34:44] took away your telephone

[34:45] yeah

[34:45] some old men

[34:46] they take away their car keys

[34:47] when it was the telephone.

[34:49] Because, you know,

[34:49] Siri, call

[34:50] Bell Biv DeVoe.

[34:52] Who's that?

[34:53] Can I call them?

[34:56] And they just took it away.

[34:57] Yeah.

[34:58] Call the president.

[35:00] I like it.

[35:00] Maybe that's my name.

[35:02] That's my name now.

[35:03] Call me Bell.

[35:04] That's why we...

[35:05] Or you can call me

[35:05] by my middle name, Biv.

[35:09] Call Tony, Tony, Tony.

[35:12] But spell it

[35:12] three different ways.

[35:14] Don't spell it the same way.

[35:15] Spell it three different ways.

[35:17] Yeah, this is Tony Collette.

[35:20] That's not who I'm trying to call.

[35:22] You only spell Tony one way.

[35:25] Do you think she ever checks in at a hotel

[35:26] with Tony spelled a different way?

[35:27] Just so that nobody knows.

[35:28] Just in case.

[35:29] The mafia mama herself?

[35:31] Yeah.

[35:33] So back to astronaut movies.

[35:35] So let's just think of

[35:36] what are the great astronaut movies?

[35:37] We mentioned a couple of them.

[35:38] We mentioned...

[35:38] Yeah, no, I think Apollo 13

[35:40] and The Right Stuff

[35:41] have to top the list.

[35:43] We mentioned Apollo 13.

[35:44] Not actually in that order, but...

[35:46] I mentioned 2001, which is, again, a science fiction movie,

[35:49] but I feel like it is about being an astronaut, you know.

[35:51] Yeah.

[35:51] I mentioned Gravity.

[35:53] That's an astronaut movie to me.

[35:53] That's up there.

[35:54] That's up there.

[35:55] What other ones?

[35:56] Dark Star.

[35:58] Is that an astronaut movie?

[35:59] It's about being an astronaut.

[36:02] Yeah.

[36:02] I think it's a little too silly.

[36:05] Probably not The Astronaut's Wife,

[36:07] because that's about being an astronaut's wife.

[36:09] Yeah, and also that's not really,

[36:10] it's about he comes back with, like, an alien inside of him, right?

[36:14] Yeah.

[36:15] What about, yeah, what about Species 2?

[36:18] Are there any astronauts in Species 2?

[36:20] Yeah, the main guy is an astronaut who comes back, but now he's a species.

[36:23] I forgot about that.

[36:24] So, like, what are the other ones?

[36:25] I think the Martian, I think you mentioned before.

[36:27] The Martian, definitely.

[36:27] That should be on there.

[36:28] That's an astronaut.

[36:29] Interstellar.

[36:31] Well, that's a good question, yeah.

[36:33] I would call that an astronaut movie.

[36:34] That's probably an astronaut movie.

[36:35] It's a good robot movie.

[36:37] Yeah, but that's not what we're talking about.

[36:38] We're talking about astronaut movies.

[36:39] Oh, right.

[36:39] I think we did one about robot movies at some point,

[36:42] but it was a movie where the robot had to be the star of it.

[36:46] Yeah, probably.

[36:47] Is Space Cowboys.

[36:51] That's definitely an astronaut movie.

[36:53] You love Space Cowboys.

[36:53] I don't know if it's one of the all-time best astronaut movies.

[36:57] Let's see how many we can think of, Dan.

[36:58] What about Armageddon?

[37:00] Armageddon?

[37:02] That's a good question.

[37:02] It's a half-astronaut, half-driller movie.

[37:04] Oh, okay.

[37:05] Oh, okay.

[37:06] Because it's also, it's not really like...

[37:09] A disaster-not movie.

[37:12] That's a Disastronaut movie.

[37:13] It is a Disastronaut movie.

[37:14] I'm going to write it down.

[37:15] Project Hail Mary.

[37:16] I didn't see it.

[37:17] Is that an Astronaut movie?

[37:18] Yeah, I'd say so.

[37:19] I'd say so, yeah.

[37:20] I would also, I mean, I would put First Man up there.

[37:25] I know you didn't like it as much.

[37:26] Oh, First, no, I mean, First Man is definitely an Astronaut movie.

[37:28] We're just thinking of Astronaut movies right now.

[37:29] We're just naming movies.

[37:30] Just naming movies.

[37:31] Is the Astronaut Farmer.

[37:32] I never saw it.

[37:33] Is that an Astronaut movie?

[37:34] It's about a farmer who becomes an astronaut.

[37:36] Is it a farmer movie?

[37:37] That's the one with Billy Bob Thornton,

[37:38] where he's a farmer who builds a spaceship

[37:40] and becomes an astronaut.

[37:41] Oh.

[37:42] Wasn't that October Sky?

[37:45] No, that's a different movie, October Sky.

[37:48] What about Fire in the Sky?

[37:50] Now, that's not an astronaut movie.

[37:51] That's an alien abduction movie.

[37:54] Is October Sky, does he become an astronaut in that,

[37:56] or is he just an astro-astronaut?

[37:59] I don't even know what that is.

[38:00] October Sky, that's the one that's like a kid.

[38:04] October.

[38:05] That's the one.

[38:06] Yeah, he becomes a NASA engineer.

[38:09] He's an amateur rocketeer who becomes a NASA engineer.

[38:11] It's a true story, but he is not an astronaut.

[38:13] He works for NASA, but he is not an astronaut.

[38:15] Does not go to space.

[38:16] Sorry, October Sky, you're burnt.

[38:18] You don't get to be one.

[38:19] Sorry, I didn't make it.

[38:20] What about Hidden Figures?

[38:22] Now, again, Hidden Figures is a NASA movie,

[38:24] but they're not astronauts, right?

[38:26] It's not adjacent.

[38:27] You actually never see an astronaut,

[38:29] as far as I can tell, in that movie.

[38:30] It's just about the Hidden Figures.

[38:31] When you looked, you were really frame by frame.

[38:33] I was weird while doing that movie like crazy,

[38:35] looking for an astronaut.

[38:36] And looking for Waldo, too, to be honest.

[38:38] But I do that with every movie just to see if he crept in there.

[38:40] What about Airplane 2?

[38:42] They go into space, but I think they're not really astronauts, right?

[38:47] If Dark Star is too silly to be an astronaut movie, a movie about astronauts, then I think Airplane 2 is not.

[38:53] Mission to Mars, is that an astronaut movie?

[38:56] I think that counts, yeah.

[38:57] Okay.

[38:58] Now, we said 2001.

[38:59] What about 2010, the year we made Contact?

[39:02] I've never seen it.

[39:03] I've never seen it.

[39:03] I've seen it.

[39:04] I'm going to put it on there.

[39:05] It's not as good, but it is a movie about people going into space, and it's vaguely realistic.

[39:09] Ad Astra, Stuart, you're making a pretty good case for being an astronaut movie.

[39:13] I feel like it's on the line of being more sci-fi than astronaut movie, but I think it's still—and I think Sunshine goes on there, too.

[39:22] Sunshine goes on there, and I'm going to put Silent Running on there, to be honest, because it's about living in space as opposed to—you know that one, right?

[39:28] The one where Bruce turns the astronaut, and he's got those little robots.

[39:32] It's a science fiction movie, but it's not like a – it's not like – there's nothing in it that is incredibly unrealistic.

[39:39] He doesn't meet a wacky alien that raps.

[39:42] Yeah, it's not Enemy Mine or something.

[39:44] Yes, exactly.

[39:44] Like Enemy Mine I would not call an astronaut movie.

[39:46] Yeah.

[39:47] The Last Starfighter, not an astronaut movie.

[39:49] Capricorn One is a fake astronaut movie.

[39:52] Oh, but they are real astronauts.

[39:54] Oh, Dan, you have – this is – now we're getting into Talmudic territory.

[39:58] Capricorn One and astronaut movie, they are astronauts, but they don't go into space.

[40:02] And the movie is not about their space trip,

[40:04] but it's about the conspiracy.

[40:06] Oh, man, is that an astronaut movie?

[40:08] Guys, we may have, Dan,

[40:10] you may have hit on the first astronaut movie

[40:12] that is like there are astronauts in it,

[40:14] but it's not about being an astronaut.

[40:16] Like we were talking about,

[40:17] it's hard to do with mob movies.

[40:19] I'm going to put it on.

[40:19] It exists in a suspended state

[40:21] where it's both astronaut and non-astronaut movie.

[40:24] Exactly, Schrodinger's astronaut movie, yeah.

[40:26] And I'm going to point people to,

[40:27] I think it may still be up on YouTube.

[40:28] I'm not sure my video where I put out

[40:31] Capricorn 1, the Elliot Gould edition

[40:33] where it was just about Elliot Gould's

[40:35] character in the movie. Oh, wow.

[40:38] So

[40:38] Capricorn 1 is a funny movie

[40:41] because there's so many scenes of Elliot

[40:43] Gould hearing information from people and then

[40:45] repeating it back to them. Oh, really?

[40:47] Yeah. Look on YouTube

[40:49] for my Capricorn 1 video. If it's still up, you'll see.

[40:52] So

[40:52] okay, we've got a lot of movies on this list.

[40:55] What about Moonraker?

[40:56] I would call Moonraker, well,

[40:59] no, probably not an astronaut movie.

[41:01] What about, what was it called?

[41:02] Moonfall?

[41:04] Moonfall, they don't go into space, no.

[41:05] They do, eventually.

[41:07] Do they?

[41:07] They find that the moon's hollow, remember?

[41:10] Oh, right, they do.

[41:12] Yell it, Moonfall, maybe.

[41:13] No, it's not an astronaut movie

[41:14] because it's not, well, I don't know.

[41:16] Guys, what do you think?

[41:16] Vote on it.

[41:17] I don't know.

[41:17] No, it's not.

[41:18] I mean, there is an astronaut in it,

[41:20] but I think we can say it's not one.

[41:21] And I think we may decide Event Horizon

[41:23] is probably not an astronaut movie.

[41:24] Yeah.

[41:25] More of a sci-fi horror movie.

[41:28] Yes.

[41:28] So let's start putting these movies into a list, shall we?

[41:31] We're running long.

[41:32] Let's put them into a list.

[41:33] Did we, my sonny?

[41:34] I'm going to toss Space Camp in there because it is a camp, but it is a NASA-run camp.

[41:39] And they do go into space.

[41:40] They do accidentally go into space.

[41:42] How do you accidentally go into space?

[41:44] Jinx put Max into space.

[41:46] Jinx can get Max back from space.

[41:48] He has to.

[41:49] He heard lunch and he thought they said launch, so he hit the lunch button or whatever.

[41:53] So I think there are a couple that we can definitely agree are on the list of best astronaut movies.

[41:58] Apollo 13, for sure.

[42:00] The right stuff, sure.

[42:03] 2001.

[42:04] 2001, sure.

[42:04] I'll put First Man on there.

[42:06] It's a really,

[42:06] it is a very good movie

[42:07] about being an astronaut.

[42:09] Gravity, I think.

[42:11] I'll put Gravity on there.

[42:12] I think The Martian should go on there.

[42:13] That could happen.

[42:15] You could get lost on,

[42:16] get stuck on a planet

[42:17] to grow potatoes.

[42:18] It could happen to you.

[42:19] That's what It Could Happen to You

[42:20] should be about.

[42:20] Again, I call back,

[42:21] call forward to next week's episode.

[42:24] Yeah, It Could Happen to You

[42:25] could be about getting trapped on Mars.

[42:28] if you're an astronaut, or Matt Damon,

[42:30] because that's who it happened to.

[42:31] And Matt, the Martian and Interstellar are such fun,

[42:34] that's a fun double feature,

[42:36] because you get to see both sides of Matt Damon,

[42:37] the cool, fun astronaut who looks for the best in things,

[42:41] and the shitty astronaut who is ready to kill humanity

[42:45] if it means he's not stuck on a rock forever.

[42:48] What are the odds that the same guy,

[42:50] it would happen to him twice,

[42:52] that he'd get marooned on another planet?

[42:53] What are the odds?

[42:55] What are the odds?

[42:56] Some NASA, I hope the mathematicians

[42:58] from Hidden Figures

[42:58] can write in

[42:59] and tell us

[42:59] what the odds are

[43:00] that Matt Damon

[43:00] would twice get stuck

[43:02] marooned on an alien planet.

[43:03] Yeah, like a real Odysseus.

[43:07] What are the odds

[43:07] that every island

[43:09] they would land on

[43:09] there would be

[43:10] some kind of monster

[43:11] that wants to eat them?

[43:12] Yeah, I mean,

[43:13] how far away are they?

[43:14] These are like new things to them.

[43:16] It's like, oh,

[43:16] we don't have any of these monsters

[43:18] where I come from,

[43:19] but every island over here

[43:20] has monsters.

[43:21] This is the monster sea,

[43:22] I guess.

[43:22] It's the monster terranian sea.

[43:24] That movie,

[43:25] I really liked the Odyssey a lot.

[43:26] I thought it was really good.

[43:27] But the part where they're running away from the shades of the dead,

[43:30] after they talk to Tiresias, I'm like, why do they have to run this time?

[43:33] Half this movie is them running from things to get back to their boats, you know?

[43:36] Yeah, probably the dead can just hang out.

[43:39] Yes.

[43:40] So we've got, yeah, exactly.

[43:41] I mean, what are they going to get from them?

[43:42] Nothing.

[43:43] They're just mad.

[43:44] Yeah, I mean, that's the whole thing.

[43:46] They're kind of whittled down to a single emotion, and that's vengeance.

[43:49] I guess that's true.

[43:50] That's true.

[43:51] So we've got one, two, three, four, five, six movies on here.

[43:54] We don't have to order them.

[43:55] We don't have to wait for the order.

[43:56] That's six movies.

[43:56] Apollo 13, The Right Stuff, 2001, Gravity, The Martian, First Man.

[44:00] I think any of those would look fine on a list of the top 10 greatest astronaut movies.

[44:05] Now is when we start to get into the more difficult.

[44:08] What are the final four?

[44:09] What are the fantastic four, some might say?

[44:12] I think not fantastic four.

[44:13] That's not one of them.

[44:14] I, though, admire Stewart nominating a movie he has not seen for the list.

[44:18] Again, Rocket Man starring Harland Wilson.

[44:21] Wow.

[44:23] Harland Wilson?

[44:24] Harland Wilson.

[44:25] It's not familiar.

[44:26] You might be thinking of Harold Wilson,

[44:27] the former British prime minister, perhaps.

[44:29] Probably was.

[44:30] Yeah.

[44:30] Harlan Ellison?

[44:31] No, clearly I'm not familiar enough

[44:34] with Rocket Man to make that claim.

[44:35] No.

[44:36] You haven't seen it?

[44:36] I've seen it.

[44:37] I saw it.

[44:38] I've seen Rocket Man.

[44:41] Did you see the Elton John Rocket Man also?

[44:43] I did not see the Elton John Rocket Man.

[44:45] So in the Battle of the Rocket Man,

[44:46] you can't tell me which is the better Rocket Man.

[44:49] Well, has Stewart seen the Harland Will?

[44:52] No, I haven't.

[44:53] If only I could combine you into the perfect man,

[44:56] One who has seen both versions of Rocketman.

[44:58] The duality of Rocketman.

[45:00] Instead, we're this like Jekyll and Hyde situation.

[45:03] Inside of each of us, there's two Matt Damon's and two Rocketman, but we don't know which one.

[45:07] No.

[45:08] Not until you crack us open.

[45:10] So what if Jekyll and Hyde was just, when he's Dr. Jekyll, he thinks Rocketman, the Ellen John movie is the better.

[45:14] When he's Mr. Hyde, he thinks the Harlan Williams one is the better.

[45:17] Yeah, I mean, I would imagine he is like that.

[45:22] A few years ago, my younger son, he went as Halloween as the wizard from a kid's movie called Spooky Buddies.

[45:29] These are the movies that are spin-off of Air Bud, where it's a bunch of puppies.

[45:34] And he loved these movies.

[45:35] There's Treasure Buddies.

[45:36] There's Space Buddies.

[45:37] I mean, they're pretty cute.

[45:38] Is Space Buddies an astronaut movie?

[45:40] Yes.

[45:41] Space Buddies is an astronaut movie.

[45:43] We've got to put that on the list.

[45:44] Hold on.

[45:45] But he wanted to be the bad guy from Spooky Buddies, who's this evil warlock.

[45:49] And I was like, this warlock seems so familiar.

[45:50] And then until I realized it was Harlan Williams playing it, and I'm like, my son is going out for Halloween dressed as Harlan Williams, basically.

[45:56] Like, he's in a Harlan Williams costume.

[45:58] It's like, that's fine.

[45:59] That's okay with me.

[45:59] What a magical world.

[46:01] Exactly.

[46:02] So, is Space Buddies one of the final four?

[46:04] Let me just throw out some movies.

[46:06] I'm just going to name them one after another.

[46:07] You tell me if you think they should be in the final four.

[46:09] Okay.

[46:10] Armageddon.

[46:12] No.

[46:13] I don't think it's astronaut-y enough.

[46:15] Okay.

[46:16] Sunshine.

[46:17] Maybe.

[46:18] Maybe.

[46:19] And that's a maybe.

[46:19] What about Space Cowboys?

[46:23] It is very...

[46:25] It's very astronaut-y, so I guess I'll say sure.

[46:28] One of the top ten astronaut movies ever made.

[46:30] No, I'm going to fight it.

[46:32] Space Cowboys.

[46:32] Okay.

[46:32] Well, we've got to find some other ones.

[46:34] Okay, let's see.

[46:34] What about...

[46:35] You can't say that every time we veto an option.

[46:39] You're going to say that same shit when we say Space Buddies.

[46:41] You're like, something's got to go in there.

[46:43] Might as well be Space Buddies.

[46:45] We have ten fingers.

[46:46] Got to have a top ten.

[46:47] You've got to put something in there.

[46:47] What about Interstellar?

[46:49] Okay.

[46:51] Sure, because I think it's a very good movie.

[46:53] Okay, and it feels astronaut-y.

[46:54] They're doing astronaut stuff.

[46:56] Space Cowboys.

[46:58] Wait, you just said Space Cowboys?

[47:01] Yeah, have you rethought it?

[47:02] Have you second-checked it?

[47:03] Not yet.

[47:03] Okay, what about Mission to Mars?

[47:07] No.

[47:08] Okay, it's an astronaut movie, but all right.

[47:10] Not one of the top ten best.

[47:11] 2010, the year we made contact.

[47:12] Well, I mean, if we've gotten this far,

[47:14] they're already astronaut movies.

[47:16] We're trying to pick our favorites.

[47:17] That's true, that's true.

[47:18] Good point.

[47:18] Now we're splitting hairs about movies.

[47:20] Okay, what about Silent Running?

[47:21] Silent Running, he's the astronaut.

[47:22] He's got the last trees.

[47:23] He's got a robot to take care of them.

[47:25] It is kind of a classic.

[47:27] It's a good movie.

[47:28] It's a good movie.

[47:28] Yeah, I'll put a vote in for sure.

[47:31] Okay, I'll vote for that too.

[47:32] Okay, so then we got one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

[47:35] We need two more movies.

[47:36] Okay, Space Cowboys.

[47:38] What do you think about that?

[47:40] Elliot, I'm going to be frank with you.

[47:42] I'm more inclined to vote Space Camp than Space Cowboys.

[47:45] Okay.

[47:46] What about Space Buddies?

[47:49] I figured that was going to be 10

[47:51] no matter what.

[47:52] Yeah, put that in number 10. Space Buddies.

[47:55] Okay, so Space Buddies is the movie

[47:57] where the puppies go into space.

[47:58] Yeah, so we just need one more. Dan is saying

[48:01] Space Camp. What are the other options?

[48:03] You've also got Ad Astra.

[48:04] Not to be confused with Sam Asner, who's a person

[48:07] and not a movie. Yeah, if you put him

[48:09] into space. If it was called Ed Asner

[48:10] in Ad Astra, I would have seen that movie opening

[48:13] night. Yeah.

[48:15] Ed Asner has to go into space.

[48:17] Take my money out of my pockets.

[48:18] How much money do you have to pay for this ticket?

[48:20] Project Hail Mary.

[48:21] Again, I haven't seen it yet.

[48:23] Astronaut Farmer.

[48:24] About a farmer who becomes an astronaut.

[48:26] I haven't seen it.

[48:27] October Sky was mentioned.

[48:28] That's not about an astronaut.

[48:29] Take that off the list.

[48:31] And Sunshine, we mentioned.

[48:34] And Space Cowboys.

[48:36] Wait, Sunshine wasn't already on there?

[48:38] Was not already on the list.

[48:39] Yeah, let's go with that.

[48:40] Just because we don't like it a lot.

[48:41] Okay.

[48:42] I mean, it's not the most astronaut-y of them.

[48:44] You know, one, two.

[48:45] But we already decided it's an astronaut movie.

[48:48] If Sunshine's an astronaut movie,

[48:49] then I feel like Alien is an astronaut movie.

[48:50] Look, we already said that we decided

[48:52] that these are astronaut movies.

[48:53] Now we're just talking about the ones that we like.

[48:55] I've already lost control.

[48:56] You've lost control, my friend.

[48:58] Six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

[48:59] Then we have our ten.

[49:01] We have our top ten astronaut movies.

[49:03] I'm going to give Space Cowboys an honorable mention.

[49:06] Sure.

[49:07] Why not?

[49:08] Is this fucking episode sponsored by Space Cowboys?

[49:11] I didn't want to tell you guys,

[49:12] Space Cowboys slipped me a 20.

[49:14] Elliot Betts said, don't worry, guys, you're a shoo-in.

[49:17] You're a shoo-in.

[49:18] There's no way they're not going to say.

[49:19] You're about astronauts.

[49:20] What a cast.

[49:20] But just not that many.

[49:22] Clint Eastwood, James Garner, Morgan Freeman, I think.

[49:25] Who else is in this movie?

[49:26] I don't remember.

[49:27] Clint Eastwood.

[49:28] I said Clint Eastwood.

[49:29] Okay.

[49:30] Garner.

[49:30] Tommy Lee Jones.

[49:31] Tommy Lee Jones.

[49:33] TLJ.

[49:34] Come on.

[49:34] Donald Sutherland.

[49:35] Not Morgan Freeman.

[49:36] I was wrong about that.

[49:37] I don't know why I assumed he was one of the astronauts.

[49:40] He's an old dude.

[49:41] There wasn't a lot of old dude movies.

[49:43] Yeah, he was actually still a little too young

[49:45] to be in the old dude movies then,

[49:47] but there was a period where he was in all the old dude movies.

[49:49] Oh, this was the year 2000.

[49:51] He was plenty old by that time.

[49:52] How old was Morgan Freeman in 2000?

[49:55] He was 63 years old.

[49:56] But there's the era later on.

[49:59] Yes.

[50:00] Let's look at Morgan Freeman.

[50:01] He's in the old man movies

[50:02] when like Robert De Niro is in old man movies, right?

[50:06] No, that's Moor Farm.

[50:09] Moor Farm Collar?

[50:10] No, that's Hank Moorpork.

[50:12] That's the city from Discworld, yeah.

[50:14] Okay, all filmography.

[50:15] I feel like I can't,

[50:16] I can never make fun of Dan

[50:18] for not knowing if Jackie Chan's in a movie

[50:19] now that I've mixed up Donald Sutherland

[50:21] and Morgan Freeman, but you know.

[50:23] So we got this period here, okay.

[50:25] Like when you see Morgan Freeman's butt

[50:27] in Animal House.

[50:30] Yeah, when Morgan Freeman

[50:31] gives that big long speech in JFK, yeah.

[50:34] Just getting started, going in style.

[50:37] Oh, right, going in style remake or whatever, yeah.

[50:40] There was the, oh, geez, wow.

[50:41] These are actually more spread out than Las Vegas.

[50:44] That's the one I remember most, is Las Vegas, yeah.

[50:46] Yeah, I feel like the red, where they're all old.

[50:49] Yeah, they're old assassins.

[50:50] That's the whole point.

[50:52] We're not doing old movies.

[50:55] The bucket list.

[50:57] Yeah, save this for when we do old person movies.

[51:00] What counts as an old person movie?

[51:01] Is Clueless an old person movie?

[51:04] Is Fast Times at Ridgemont High an old person movie?

[51:06] No.

[51:07] Singles, is that an old person movie?

[51:09] There's no way of knowing.

[51:10] But he cornered the market on movies where the point is like,

[51:15] these guys are old and they're doing something.

[51:17] Is Dennis the Menace an old person movie?

[51:20] Because Mr. Wilson is old.

[51:22] He's a second lead.

[51:23] The title character is young.

[51:25] Yeah, but I mean, the title character is young, Carl Young,

[51:29] as Dennis the Menace.

[51:31] Young the Menace.

[51:34] Ah, you know what your dreams are saying.

[51:37] You know what your problem is, the collective unconscious.

[51:39] Don't tell me about that stuff while my prized begonias are being judged.

[51:43] Because it's still Mr. Wilson.

[51:45] Anyway, so Harold Wilson, the former prime minister.

[51:47] So, guys, I think we have our list.

[51:49] I think at the top, we probably got Apollo 13, right?

[51:52] Apollo 13 or the right.

[51:53] No, or 2001.

[51:53] I'm going to put 2001 at the top.

[51:55] I mean, my only argument about 2001 is like a better movie.

[51:58] But if it's a combo platter, now that we have our 10 of what's most astronautic and what's best, it's a little less astronautic.

[52:06] Well, are we judging by most astronaut-y or by greatest?

[52:09] I'm going to say, let's say most astronaut-y.

[52:11] Okay, what's the most astronaut-y in the movies?

[52:13] Then probably The Right Stuff or Apollo 13.

[52:14] Yeah, one of those two.

[52:15] I would say Apollo 13.

[52:17] It's a story of astronauts being in space.

[52:19] Yeah, solving problems.

[52:21] It's not like The Right Stuff where they're fighter pilots for most of the movie.

[52:24] It's not like First Man where a lot of it is about him being a cold fish.

[52:30] They're astronauts from the jump in Apollo 13.

[52:34] so paul 13 then right stuff gotta be on there 2001 i'm putting pretty high up yeah you know

[52:41] even if it's not as astronauty then what do you put after that i would say either maybe like

[52:45] gravity or the martian i don't know what you guys think i mean on pure fucking uh astronaut terms

[52:52] gravity is more uh astronauty than 2001 uh i guess so there's there's fewer scenes of apes

[52:59] that's true

[52:59] thank you

[53:01] 2001

[53:02] they start out as apes

[53:03] and then they become astronauts

[53:04] I understood the movie right

[53:05] like the apes

[53:06] they shave the apes

[53:07] they do a morph

[53:08] it's like space chimps

[53:08] yeah

[53:09] when the ape

[53:11] throws his bone

[53:11] into the sky

[53:11] we forgot space chimps guys

[53:13] oh boy

[53:14] how could we forget that

[53:15] we got thrown

[53:16] the whole list out

[53:17] oh man

[53:17] everything's unbalanced now

[53:19] oh boy

[53:19] what about Jason X

[53:21] they're astronauts

[53:23] they are astronauts

[53:25] if I'd call it

[53:25] an astronaut movie

[53:26] necessarily

[53:27] you know

[53:28] There's more astronaut characters

[53:29] than Jason characters.

[53:32] When you're looking at character density

[53:34] and proportion,

[53:35] there are more astronauts in the movie

[53:36] than there are slashers.

[53:38] Also, David Cronenberg is in it.

[53:40] But the knife is more dense

[53:41] than the astronauts,

[53:43] which is why he can slice it through.

[53:45] Now, is Leprechaun in space

[53:46] an astronaut movie?

[53:48] Yes.

[53:49] There's astronauts in it.

[53:50] Yeah.

[53:51] So are there any movies

[53:52] you want to bump off this list

[53:53] to put Jason X or Leprechaun in space?

[53:56] No, it's fine.

[53:56] We've already committed.

[53:57] Okay, then I think you got, down a little bit, you got, like, The Martian and Interstellar, and those are good.

[54:03] You got First Man in there, and then probably Silent Running, Sunshine, I'm putting a little closer to the bottom just because it's not that astronaut-y, and Space Buddies.

[54:11] Space Buddies!

[54:13] I mean, it has to do with space history, I guess, about, like, the early dog astronaut explorers.

[54:21] As much as I would prefer.

[54:22] A happier ending, I assume.

[54:23] And honorable mention, of course, Space Cowboys, which is kind of like the flip side to a lot of these because it's about astronauts.

[54:29] They're like, ugh, we have no astronauts left.

[54:32] We only have the oldest astronauts.

[54:34] Were there guys who were supposed to go into space?

[54:36] I'm trying to remember that movie.

[54:37] Were they guys who were supposed to go into space?

[54:39] Are you talking about Space Buddies too?

[54:40] No, not Space Buddies.

[54:42] Why did they go into space, those cowboys?

[54:47] They're fixing a satellite.

[54:48] They're former test pilots.

[54:50] Oh, because they're the only ones who still know how to do this stuff or something?

[54:54] I guess so.

[54:55] I remember seeing it in the theaters in the year 2000.

[54:58] I thought that was fine.

[54:59] Something they're like old guy know-how.

[55:02] Yeah, yeah.

[55:03] Something like that.

[55:04] No, it's like the tech is too old.

[55:05] Because you know the people.

[55:06] That's what it is.

[55:07] It's like an old Soviet satellite or something.

[55:09] And they're the only ones who know how to fix it.

[55:11] Because everyone else is just using their MacBooks.

[55:15] Yeah, their smartphones.

[55:16] I mean, it's the year 2000, so no.

[55:17] Yeah, they don't have smartphones.

[55:18] They didn't have that.

[55:18] They had those Apple computers with the colors on them, you know.

[55:21] Oh, cool, yeah.

[55:22] Yeah.

[55:23] So we've got our list of the greatest, most astronaut-y movies ever made.

[55:27] To be honest, guys, I thought we were going to have more filler on that list.

[55:30] But we came up with more astronaut movies.

[55:33] It's all killer, baby.

[55:34] Space Buddies.

[55:34] Losing Space Buddies.

[55:35] Yeah.

[55:37] I mean, that was –

[55:37] Find the line.

[55:38] I feel like Space Buddies snuck on there.

[55:41] That was the loophole one.

[55:42] Yeah, but they're so cute.

[55:43] There's nothing in the rule book that says a dog movie can't be on the astronaut thing.

[55:47] Dogs for nuts.

[55:47] So in case anyone's wondering, the official canon flop house list of best astronaut movies.

[55:53] You got Apollo 13, The Right Stuff, 2001 A Space Odyssey.

[55:58] Then, oh, you know what?

[55:59] Didn't make it on.

[56:00] Actually, hold on, guys.

[56:01] Before I say it, Dan, Space Buddies made it on there, but Space Camp did it.

[56:05] How do you feel about that?

[56:06] Oh, wow.

[56:07] No, no.

[56:07] I let Space Camp go, you know, and that's fine because they are at best trainees.

[56:16] went to a fantasy

[56:18] camp. But what if their fantasy

[56:20] becomes real? I mean, one of them

[56:23] is an astronaut, I believe, who goes

[56:25] back up with them. I haven't seen that movie

[56:27] since I was a child, so I don't really remember.

[56:28] What about Meatballs 2, where there's an alien?

[56:31] No, that's an alien on Earth.

[56:33] Then E.T. would be

[56:34] an astronaut movie, because technically he's a space traveler.

[56:37] Technically, yeah. He's not an astronaut movie.

[56:38] Now, no, no. So,

[56:40] you heard me say the list earlier.

[56:42] I don't need to say it again. We got it.

[56:44] No one cares anyway. This has been a Flophouse

[56:46] minnie thank you so much for wasting your time with us today we appreciate it we hope you enjoyed

[56:51] it uh please uh we are part of the max fun network please check out other max fun shows there's a lot

[56:55] of great ones i'd like to thank my co-host dan and stewart i'd like to thank our producer alex

[56:59] smith he goes by the name howell dotty when he is making his own creative works or when he's running

[57:04] from the feds please check him out online but if you're a fed do not arrest him he's a national

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[57:23] my book about joke writing. It's on amazon.com. You could just give a five-star review to that.

[57:27] But please give a positive review to The Flophouse. We will be back next week with a movie,

[57:33] as Small Vember continues, a movie that we had a lot of fun stuff to talk about. So I hope you'll

[57:39] enjoy that episode. Until then, I've been Elliot Kalin reminding you, please, every 35 seconds,

[57:45] a chumba is wombed. Do your part.

FH Mini 158 - Astro-Nuts

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